Silly old bear

After the movie debacle of Wednesday morning, I was a little bit nervous about taking Jacey to see Winnie the Pooh when it came out last weekend. But I was so excited.

There’s something so special about sharing Winnie the Pooh with her. I remember watching the cartoon when I was little, and I loved him so much. Jacey has been asking about the commercials she’s been seeing for the movie for a while now, and I promsied her we’d go see it when it opened. When she asked me on Friday, “That movie open yet?” and I said yes, she said, “What?” She was confused. She’d been waiting for it for so long she couldn’t believe the answer was finally yes!

So on Saturday afternoon, we went to see it. A kids’ movie it might be, but Mimi, Gramps, and all four of us in my family went–four adults, just because we wanted to watch Jacey watch the movie!

And it was pure magic. At two years old, she is totally immersed in what’s on the screen. She’s not even aware there is a screen. For this particular movie, it was all on her level, so she understood everything that was going on. She covered her ears when she was scared, then laughed a silly, fake laugh when she realized she should never have been scared, and sayid, with her hands still over her ears, “This a silly movie!” She danced to the music. She laughed at the funny parts. She experienced the entire movie.

On the way there, I gave her a present–a stuffed Pooh Bear. She held him throughout the movie. It was just so sweet to hold her while she held him, or to watch her face as someone else held her, and see her fall in love with the bear I loved.

The best part? After the credits, you see the backson–the make believe monster most of the movie is about. We waited through the credits, watching Pooh and Eeyore and Tigger cavort around the words on the screen, and then it showed the scary part of the woods. We told Jacey to look. She did. Then, you saw the backson–and Jacey turned around, bent over, and shoved her head into the depths of Rylan’s carseat. Because he was just that scary.

She was relieved when he turned out to be nice. But she was even more relieved when we left the theater, and the backson stayed on the screen.

Birth story

It’s amazing how quickly the details of something as monumental as the birth of your child just disappear.

I remember calling friends as I was on the way to the hospital from the doctor’s office. I remember getting to the hospital alone and waiting to get checked in, and I remember confusion because the hospital was so new and they still weren’t quite clear on procedures. Maybe I was the first mom to give birth there without pre-registering?

I got to my room by myself, with Kellen still on his way from work. I signed all the forms and was in bed, getting hooked up to the IV and monitors before Kellen got there. I never got a picture of myself with my big pregnant belly! We did get one later that evening, but somehow a hospital gown just doesn’t do justice to the big baby belly.

I was monitored for hours, and everything was fine. Jacey came up to the hospital to see me. I’m sad that I don’t remember that visit in very much detail. I think we showed her my belly? I know I hugged and kissed her, and it was maybe the last time I did so when she was an only child. She got to leave with Mimi and Gramps, so she wasn’t sad to leave me. Was I sad for her to leave? I hate that I don’t remember that! It was such a big moment for us, the end of her time as the only most important child in my life, and I don’t remember it.

My nurse started the induction that evening. I sat up in a chair for a while and watched The Music Man on the DVD-TV in my room… the room was so nice! It was huge, and on a corner, so I had two walls with windows. Kellen and I were exhausted, but I remember not wanting to go to sleep. The nurse offered me something to help me sleep, but I declined.

Kellen went to sleep. I did not.

I remember laying there and trying to sleep, feeling the contractions, thinking about what was coming. Thinking about how physically unready I was to have a baby, as Kellen had had the flu the week before, and right as he got over it, I got a stomach virus. I was just a few days out of the stomach virus, and now I was having a baby! Thinking about how mentally I both was and wasn’t ready to have a baby. Ready to meet this little boy and see Jacey be a big sister, not ready to divide my time between two kids and see Jacey not have my full attention.

Then it started. The nurse came in and said the baby was having a hard time and maybe I should roll to one side. Then she left and I tried to sleep.

Then she came back and had me roll to the other side.

Off and on for I don’t know how long, the nurse would come in and have me try something different. I would maybe doze off while she was gone, or maybe just lie there and listen to Kellen sleep.

Finally, she came in and said the baby really just wasn’t taking the Pitocin well. I wondered, from what I’ve seen on TV and read online, if the cord was wrapped around his neck. The nurse said she had called the doctor, and he said to stop the Pitocin for the night. This made me nervous. The nurse said we would start it again in the morning, and maybe he would take it better then. I, in all my medical knowledge, wondered why on earth it would go better in the morning, and started picturing a C-section, which I desperately didn’t want.

I slept a little more the rest of the night, but not much. Kelly and Lee Ann got there early in the morning, and the nurse asked if visitors could come in. Of course I said yes. Kellen woke up and said hi. They left, and we slept a little bit more.

And then we woke up for good, and it was Rylan’s birthday.

This day is all compressed in my head, and very broken up. I don’t know for sure what happened when. It’s a blur of images and emotions and feelings.

I know the Pitocin was started again. I know I got a new nurse, and I wanted my night nurse back, because she was wonderful. I know Dr. Mike, who was my OB when I was pregnant with Jacey, came in and broke my water. I know that HURT. And then I remember how gross I felt as I just kept leaking for the rest of the day. (YUCK. So not the best part of childbirth.)

I know people came to see me that day, but I can’t really remember who came before Rylan was born. Especially sad, I don’t remember if Jacey Dae came to the hospital that morning. I kind of think she didn’t, because by the time she woke up and got dressed and ready to go, I was in pain and didn’t want her to see me… but I really don’t remember, which almost makes me cry.

I remember that I went from almost no pain to pretty bad pain really quickly, and from there to really bad pain really quickly. I know I asked for drugs instead of an epidural first, because the epidrual with Jacey made pushing so much harder for me. They gave me Stadol, and I remember closing my eyes and just floating. I saw swirls of colors and things floating in the colors behind my eyes, very Twilight-Zone-y. I vividly remember Kellen holding my hand or rubbing my back, and I knew it felt good because I felt like it anchored me to my bed so I wouldn’t go floating off with the colors, and I wanted him to touch me constantly so I could feel anchored, but he would stop and I’d be disappointed. I would watch something floating away and then all of a sudden sort of look back at my body and realize that it was hurting, but that that was just fine with me.

Eventually, the Stadol wore off, and I wanted an epidural. It couldn’t come fast enough by that point. They let Kellen stay in the room and hold my hand as long as he sat down, which I appreciated. I had a contraction as I was laying down, and I got stuck laying on my left side, and the anesthesiologist was trying to hurry me onto my back or else the epidural would only work on one side.

After that, I remember the pain occasionally coming back. I had a pump of extra medicine for the epidural, but it didn’t seem to help. The anesthesiologist came back. The pain kept coming back again, though. I got sick and threw up a few times. I remember Kelly being there while Lee Ann stayed home and cleaned our house (which still makes me cringe), and I remember asking Kellen at one point after Kelly had stepped out for a minute to please not let him come back, because I didn’t want him to see me in pain like that. I remember panting and moaning, and hating the sound of it.

And then it was time to push. Dr. Todd, the doctor who actually delivered Jacey, was there, and my doctor was due in 15 minutes or so. They were trying to decide whether I or the only other mom in the hospital should deliver first, and they changed their minds a few times, but they settled on me. They set up the room for delivery, wheeling in extra tables and drapes and all sorts of stuff. Dr. Todd came in. So did 5 or 6 other nurses. As one nurse after another kept coming through the door, he smiled at me and said, “I like a full room; I hope you don’t mind.” Oh, no, not at all, I thought. This is exactly the sort of situation in which I like to be found by a bunch of strangers.

I started pushing. Thankfully, I could feel much more than I could with Jacey. I actually knew when I was doing it right and when the baby was coming down. The doctor had a medical student with him, and he was saying things like, “See the head turn?” and “Oh, look at that, isn’t that cool?” which is a little unnerving to hear your doctor say. (It turns out that Rylan flipped over as I pushed so that he was face-up. I had been in back labor most of the day, and then he had turned face down right berfore I pushed, but decided he didn’t want to make it easy for mommy, after all, and flipped back over as he came out.) Then I heard Rylan’s heart rate dropping as I pushed. A lot. I got nervous. Dr. Todd said, “Okay, we need to have this baby in the next contraction or two. You really need to push now.” And I knew I did. I remembe Kellen talking to me, although I don’t remember what he was saying, and his voice sounded nervous, too. The doctor used the vacuum pump to get Rylan’s head underneath my pelvic bone, and then it was all me. And I did it. My baby was born.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget how puple he looked as the doctor held him on his forearm. I saw him move, and I knew he was alive, but I don’t think I breathed until I heard that first cry. And then it was all about me and Rylan.

They put him on a towel on my stomach and cleaned him off a little. My nurse asked me if I wanted him skin-to-skin, and I said of course. They pulled up my gown and laid him directly on my stomach, and there has never been a better feeling than that.

Rylan looked at me. He held my finger. I talked to him. He turned pinker. I never wanted to let him go.

The doctor was talking to the medical student, telling her how to deliver a placenta; he was talking to me, telling me about the damage and what to expect for recovery. I was hearing none of it. My eyes were locked with Rylan’s.

And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Storytime

It’s taken me a while to get here, but I’m finally here. I’m finally ready to write his birth story.

Three weeks ago, just twenty-one days, my son was born. It was certainly a surprise.

I went to the doctor for a normal check-up on Tuesday afternoon. I had to leave preschool fifteen minutes early; as I did, I stopped to talk to one of the mamas who had gotten there early to pick up her daughter. It was one of the mamas who goes to church with us, and it happened to be the mama who was due next on the Expectant Mothers list on the prayer list in our weekly bulletin. She was due just two weeks after me.

“Going to the doctor?” she asked.

“Yep,” I said. “One more ultrasound to see how big the baby is, and then we’re going to officially schedule the induction! It’s going to be on Sunday night, and I’ll have him on Monday!”

Or not.

During the ultrasound, the last ultrasound I would have before I met my son, the ultrasound tech–a different one than I had had every other time–confirmed that the baby had a big head, reinforcing my desire for an early induction. “I’m glad I’m having him this weekend!” I told her. His kidneys were still dilated; this time, one of them was over a centimeter, so it was officially “abnormal.”  The baby was head down, but face up. I hoped he would roll over before Sunday.

And then I saw the doctor, and it took me a while to realize that Sunday wouldn’t matter anymore. She came into the examining room thinking aloud, talking about IUGR and wondering if this was cause for inducing now. Convinced I was having this baby in five days, I assumed “now” meant “this week.” I asked what IUGR meant.

“Intrauterine growth restriction,” Dr. Heineman told me. “See, his head is in  the 90th percentile, but his abdomen and femur are in the 4th and 5th percentile.” She went on to explain that this configuration, with the head large and the other two measurements small, was not a normal type of IUGR, but it still might be a reason to induce now, in case something was restricting his growth. We needed to get him out so he could grow correctly.

“Wait, like, NOW?” I believe was my oh-so-intelligent response.

“Yeah, today,” the doctor said. And everything became surreal.

Surely not, I thought. Not today. I’m not ready. She told me we could induce between 38 and 39 weeks; I’m just 37 weeks 5 days right now. It’s too early! I mean, I know the baby is considered to be term and will be fine if he comes now, but this isn’t what we had talked about!

As my thoughts raced at breakneck speed, Dr. Heineman reached her decision. “We’ll monitor you here for fifteen minutes or so,” she said, “And then we’ll send you to the hospital. I know you want to be out at Methodist, so we’ll just monitor you here to be sure we can let you go back out to Katy.”

And all I could think was, What?!?!

Dr. Heineman left the room to go check on the monitoring machines, and I texted Kellen. He was in a day-long training, so I couldn’t reach him as easily as normal. He knew I was at the doctor, though, so “Step out and call me,” I texted. I don’t know what he thought, and I hoped he wasn’t too worried, because at this point I still wasn’t quite believing that I was going into labor TODAY. But he called me, and I explained what the doctor had said. “You don’ t need to leave right now,” I told him, “But this baby might be coming tonight.”

I called my mom, too, who was keeping Jacey for me–she had had to take off work early to go get Jacey from school and bring her home for her nap, and I’d felt bad about asking her to do that. But thank goodness I did! I told her what was going on, and that I’d call after I knew for sure what was happening. Kellen had decided to call his parents himself. I also called my sister and interrupted her phone call with our mom–news was already travelling fast.

Finally, they brought the machine to monitor me. It was two monitors they strapped to my belly, one to measure contractions and one to check the baby’s heartrate. They also gave me a little button I had to push every time I felt movement, and sometimes I couldn’t tell what I was feeling and whether it was the baby moving or my own heartbeat (which I could feel pretty consistently when I was laying flat on my back like I was) or my stomach rumbling. I remember worrying whether that would show up as a problem on the record that was printing off. What if I pushed the button and it wasn’t really the baby moving? Or the baby moved and I didn’t push the button? Would that inconsistency show up as a false contraction or rise in the baby’s heartrate or something? How did this thing work, anyway? And then, at one point, the heartrate monitor slipped. I couldn’t get up. I rang the bell they had given me and I knocked on the door, hoping someone in the hall would hear me, but they didn’t. I worried that the heartrate wouldn’t show up right on the record that was printing off.

Finally, the doctor came back to check on me. Everything looked good enough for me to go back to Katy, she decided. But I was to go straight to the hospital, not even home first, and they would immediately hook me up to the monitors there. Pitocin would be started overnight, my water would be broken in the morning, and I would have a baby sometime on Wednesday.

And then I knew it was real. This baby was coming now, not this weekend.

Mild panic set in as I thought about how unready I was for this. We were still getting over being sick; I hadn’t cleaned our house in days as I tried to handle being pregnant, mothering Jacey, and taking care of Kellen through his flu, then being pregnant and being sick myself as I dealt with the stomach bug the whole preschool got. Both of us were just getting back on our feet. The crib wasn’t put together, the office was a huge mess and I was the only one who knew what was what and could clean it efficiently, the floors weren’t vacuumed… the list was never-ending.

But the baby was coming. And so I started making phone calls as I left the doctors’ office. I know I called my mom and told her I was headed straight to the hospital and Kellen would be home in a while to get my (still not quite packed) hospital bag. I know I called some friends–Natalie, Carrie, Sarah, Justine, maybe Sara? I ran out of time calling everyone I wanted to call before I got back to Katy and had to stop calling everybody so I could be admitted to the hospital.

I was excited, nervous, a little stressed out, and still a little disbelieving. I was about to have my son! Five days before I was ready to!

It was an induction, but it was still a surprise.

It turns out that, since this was a surprise induction, I have more to say in this birth story than can be covered in one post. So consider this the pre-birth story. Actual birth story to come soon…

Homecoming

Rylan spent Friday night in the hospital, alone. Obviously, he wasn’t alone; he was in the nursery with nurses the whole time, but no one from the family was there. That made me very sad. When we got home on Friday evening, Jacey said, “Mama, my baby!” I told her we didn’t forget him; he’s sick, but he’ll come home tomorrow. It was so hard to walk into our house without our son.

Even though he was up there for something like 18 hours without me, I only missed two feedings. Kellen and I went up to the hospital for his 11-something feeding, and he was wide awake. We had both been exhausted; I had been crying off and on all day from hormones, exhaustion, and the knowledge that my baby wasn’t coming home yet. And yet, when I finished feeding him and he was still wide awake, looking at us, turning his head to see the lights above us, making eye contact, we were wide awake, too. I could have stayed up there all night if Rylan just would have stayed awake like he was. We held him and talked to him and were more animated than we had been all day, and I realized that this is part of parenthood–that second wind, that energy that getting to know your baby brings you. And if, for some reason, you can’t be with that new baby (like when he’s been in the nursery all day for phototherapy), it’s really hard to keep going! But God has provided a way for new parents to keep going, just by watching that new baby watch them.

We finally did leave RYlan and come back home so he could spend more time under the lights. He was taken off them at 2 am (after being on since 8 am the morning before except for feedings).I woke up at 3 am to pump milk; at 6, Lee Ann took me back to the hospital to feed Rylan again. My milk came in at some point that night, and I was happy, because the more Rylan eats, the quicker his jaundice will go away. It came in a full day or maybe even two before it did for Jacey; my body knew what he needed to get better and took care of it.

After the 6:00 feeding, I came home and showered and packed up his diaper bag, and Kellen and I went back to the hospital to wait until we could bring him home. Since the birthing center at the new hospital has only been open since Valentine’s Day, and my OB’s are the only doctors currently delivering there, and they only do easy, risk-free deliveries there right now, Rylan was only the 8th baby born in that hospital. The most babies there with him at the same time was two others. So Kellen and I sat in the nursery and talked to his nurse, because she had nothing else to do! We had the nursery all to ourselves.

The doctor got there maybe around 10? She checked the results on his last jaundice test–his number had gone up a little from the previos test, which was to be expected since he had been off the lights. At 10.7, we were allowed to leave the hospital after one more hearing test, just to be careful since he had been under the billilights. Unfortunately, it took what felt like forever for the hearing test lady to get there! Finally, finally, she showed up. She put a little ear plug thing with a wire attached to it in his ear. She said that, when the ear is hearing, there are little transmitters way down in there that produce a noise back. The ear plugs were making noise and then picking up the little sounds that his ear was making to know whether or not he was hearing the noise. He passed in both ears, and then we could go home!

All four grandparents were here, and of course Big Sister. Jacey was so. Stinkin’. Excited. Jumping up and down, running around, screaming, “My baby de’e! My baby de’e!” (My baby here!) She wanted to give him his pacifier and his toy and help and generally be a big sister. It was so sweet! She immediately demanded that he go see her room, and she started pulling out the balls from their box in her closet to share with him. I know there will be an adjustment period here, but I was so happy with how well she did having him home. So happy with how she already loves and worries about him. She will be such a good big sister!

I want to post a video of his homecoming and pictures, but I don’t know how to post videos, and I need to resize the pictures, which I don’t know how to do on my computer. So I promise, visuals coming soon! Just as soon as Kellen helps me figure out how to do it.

Christmas, part 3 (presents!)

Cousin Andrew had to go to work (he works at the Humane Society, and it turns out the puppies and kitties even need to eat on Christmas Day), so it was a few hours of playing with the new toys before we finally got to eat the cinnamon rolls and open presents. And we were ready. And Kellen, Jacey, and I stayed in our pj’s until then, because you just don’t get dressed before you open presents on Christmas morning.

By the time we were ready to open presents, I think Dada was more excited than anyone there. He kept sending Jacey Dae to ask Nunu for presents. “Nunu, baba behbeh!” she’d say, meaning, “Nunu, open presents!” And Nunu had no idea it was her daddy prompting her to go ask, over and over again, when we could start.

Then, finally, it was time. Jacey passed out probably 80% of the massive pile of presents all by herself, even to Cousin Andrew, who was scary because he had facial hair, and Casey, Aunt Annette’s son, who she’d just met that morning. She did such a good job, and she loved it! It was very possibly her favorite part of the whole day.

Although, just like her daddy, she enjoyed opening the presents, too.

I love that Dada is at least as absorbed in his present opening as his two-year-old daughter. He’s such a little boy on Christmas!

Jacey had quite a few presents. She’d open one, throw the paper on the floor, comment on what it was, and drop it in the pile of paper, the grab the next one.

She made a mess.

She got some new clothes, books, games, puzzles, a tutu, a sock monkey (just like the ones on Mama’s pj’s!), and I don’t even remember what all else. In her stocking from nunu, she had, among other things, big girl panties and a bunch of headbands.

She’s loving the headbands. In fact, still, weeks after Christmas, every day when she gets dressed, we go through who gave her her panties, shirt, headband… every piece of her outfit, because she got so much good stuff on Christmas that she still likes to talk about it all. “Bih-bih pa-pies Nunu, duh Deh-deh Dah, beh-bah Mimi, doh Nunu,” she’ll tell me– “Big girl panties from Nunu, shirt from Santa Claus,  headband from Mimi, and socks from Nunu.” (She rarely thinks Mama bought her anything. And, really, most of her wardrobe does come from Nunu and Mimi!)

Later in the day, the kids went out to play with Papaw and Uncle Jared. Here’s Jacey’s cold weather ensemble:

That would be hat from Santa Claus, jacket from Mama (not new), shirt from Santa Claus, pants from Nunu, tutu from Nunu, socks from Nunu, and boots from Mimi (also not new), in case you were wondering. Quite the outfit, no?

When the played outside, it was the funniest thing in the world–Papaw would throw a ball on the roof and it would roll off and bounce in the yard. Funniest thing ever. Over and over again.

The rest of the day was spent Skyping with Mimi, Gramps, and Aunt Chelle (and Cousin Alyssa for a little bit), playing with the new toys, coloring and playing in the cardboard playhouse you can color that Nunu got for Haden and Jacey together, napping, snacking, eating way too much at meal times, playing a big game of Cranium way past Jacey’s bedtime… it was a good day.

Jacey loved the playhouse. We colored it and she played inside it, and then she got Haden’s ball and threw it on the roof and let it roll off, over and over again, just like Papaw had. It was too cute.

That night, we went to Grandonna’s house to stay, and Jacey had one more present to open, from Uncle Bill, Aunt Holly, and the cousins on that side of the family. It was a laptop! And, oh my goodness, you should have heard the screams when we made her stop playing with it so she could go to bed. But, boy, did she sleep well that night! No climbing in bed with Mama on Christmas night. She was one tired little girl.

And that was her first real Christmas, the first Christmas she could anticipate and participate. It was so much fun. It was magical to see Christmas through my two-year-old’s eyes. And Christmas will always be like this now, with her knowing what to expect–it makes me excited already for Christmas next year, with a big three-year-old and a little nine-month-old.

2011, here we come!

Christmas, part 2

Christmas night, Jacey slept on her new princess bed (an air mattress with attached Disney Princess sleeping bag that we had given her when we opened presents at Mimi and Gramps’ on Wednesday) in the guest room at Squeak and Annette’s house, where Dada and I were sleeping in our own individual twin beds. Well, when Jacey woke up crying in the middle of the night, I knew there was no way we were getting her back to sleep on her air mattress with us in the room, so I told her to come get in bed with me. And so I spent most of Christmas Eve night sharing a twin-sized bed with my two children. Wooh.

And then she woke up for good at 5:45. AM. Really, before that, because I had been laying very still and hoping she would go back to sleep for a while before I finally asked Kellen what time it was. Finally, we gave up on getting any more sleep, so we were up before 6 am on Christmas Day. Which makes Kellen happy, but I was the kind of kid who either got woken up by her parents or, later, set alarms to get up! I was never one of those up-before-dawn kids on Christmas. I guess Jacey got her daddy’s genes on this one.

But, of course, we couldn’t leave the bedroom to find out what Santa brought until Nunu, Papaw, and Grandonna came over from Grandonna’s house. So Dada went for milk while I took Jacey potty, and we hung out in our room for a little while until they came over. Thank goodness Nunu was making homemade cinnamon rolls, so she’d planned on coming over early, anyway! While we waited, Dada went out to the living room to get Skype working so maybe Mimi and Gramps could share the morning with us, and Jacey and I sat in the bedroom. She played with the Disney Princess storybook (a felt storyboard book with felt princesses so you can make your own scenes on every page) Aunt Chelle had gotten her, and I videoed her answering the same questions she’d already answered over and over again. “What’s today?” “Meh-meh!” “Who came and left presents last night?” “Deh-deh Dah!” “Where did he leave them?” “Meh-meh dee!” Because the way she said all that stuff is just too cute to not have on video in future years.

And then Nunu and Papaw and Grandonna got there. Squeak and Annette were up; Cousin Andrew and Uncle Jared were waking up on the sectional in the living room. And we got to go see what Santa Claus had left!

Jacey was thrilled to go find the presents from Santa Claus. Until she came around the corner and saw how big an audience she had.

At that, it took some pushing and prodding to get her to come on into the living room and go over and see what Santa actually bought. And then she was confused, because Santa didn’t wrap his presents, and the only presents she knew up to this point had been wrapped.

But she figured it out. She brought me the first present she picked up–maybe a little puzzle that has three pieces to make up an animal (head, body, and feet) and six separate animals so you can trade out the body parts and make it look all silly–and then was done. So it took more prodding to get her to check out the games and the books and the robe and pj’s and shirt and stuff in her stocking.

No big surprise–her favorite part was the books. First off? Curious George, of course!

She plopped down in her chair (once we pointed out that it was, in fact, a chair, and not just a shelf for all these new things to sit on) and we read through her new books while Cousin Haden woke up and found what Santa had brought him–a bike!

And then the new robe went on, and we kept reading the new books.

Okay, LOVE that picture. What a great way to spend Christmas morning.

Santa brought Jacey Dae lots of headbands in her stocking, and guess what? Headbands aren’t just fun for little girls!

And check out how awesomely cool Jacey Dae looked!

What is that, four headbands plus the new sunglasses? Mega awesome.

And I’ll have to blog about the actual present-opening in another post. See? Christmas really was never-ending for us this year!

Christmas, part 1

A “quick” chronicle of our everlasting Christmas this year:

We started on Wednesday with presents at my parents’ house. I have no pictures of that day, except for Jacey opening her big present:

A play kitchen! She had one already, a hand-me-down from Kellen’s cousin, but that one stays at my parents’ house. This one, from Mimi and Gramps, will stay at our house. Jacey wasted no time jumping right into playing with it as soon as it was open.

Little Boy got some clothes and also a video monitor! I’m excited about that. With Jacey, we had an audio one, but when we were sleep training, we so wished we could see her to know if the little noises were because she was awake, or if she was talking in her sleep, and if she was awake, was something wrong or was she just playing?

Even Patch and Shelly had a present, the biggest one under the tree (since the kitchen was too big to fit under the tree!)–a carpet cleaner! I’m thrilled about that one. No more lugging my mom’s back and forth between our houses when my carpets get too gross to look at!

After presents were done, we had a ham dinner together (mmm au gratin potatoes made with real cream instead of milk… I stuffed myself so painfully full…) and then Kellen and Jacey and I headed to Bonham.

Thursday we spent hanging out with the family up there, including Jared and Haden. That night, we opened presents with Granny and Pawpaw.

Friday, which was Christmas Eve, we headed to Little Rock to stay at Kellen’s aunt and uncle’s house and celebrate with them and Grandonna, Kellen’s mom’s mom. Two minivans were packed full of everything two two-year-olds and five adults would need for the weekend, along with presents galore. When we got there, the gifts didn’t fit so much under the tree as all along the wall the tree sat against. There were plenty of packages there! We had pulled pork sandwiches for dinner, and I, who don’t usually like bbq, ate a sandwich and a half, because it was just that good.

Later, Nunu, Papaw, Aunt Annette, Cousin Jen, and Jacey (with the help of Kellen and myself) participated in the new Christmas tradition of decorating sugar cookies.

Jacey had a blast. She was just as happy decorating as eating.

She picked the color, and I helped her apply the icing. The sprinkles, of course, she could do all by herself.

When Kellen helped her, though, he was not allowed to touch the knife as she put the icing on the cookie. She had done one with help, thank you very much, and now she was entirely capable of doing it all by herself.

Aren’t they so cute together? Definitely father and daughter. I love how their skin matches.

After decorating three cookies, Jacey finally decided she was ready to try one. But, of course, she was worried about the mess she would make if she touched it, so…

When this proved less than effective, she let me show her how to hold the cookie by the sides.

I think she preferred the icing to the cookie itself.

As it turned out, the cookies, which had been prepared early and frozen before being transported to Little Rock, were broken in lots of little pieces and very brittle and not incredibly tasty, so the decorating was it for the older members of the family. I think Jacey’s was the only cookie that actually got eaten.

After cookies, it was time to get ready for bed–which, of course meant Christmas Eve presents.

Oh, my, what a surprise, pajamas!

As Kellen, Jared, and I opened our pj’s, Jacey got impatient. She knew we had said we would open presents, then get ready for bed, then talk to Mimi and Gramps, then she would go to sleep and Santa Claus would come leave presents, so she was begging for bed. And we were just too slow.

So the pj’s started going on before the clothes even started coming off! (Those are my sock monkey pj’s and slippers from Nunu in the background.)

Once we were ready for bed, we got on Skype with Mimi, Gramps, Aunt Chelle, and Uncle David, Aunt Tami, Tassia, Nick, and Lizzy, who were all together on Christmas Eve. Gramps continued a Christmas tradition begun before I can remember of reading The Night Before Christmas and The Texan Night Before Christmas, although this was the first time he’s ever read it to us online.

Jacey loved having Gramps read her a book, and I was almost in tears at the poignancy of sharing this tradition with my daughter. (PS- check out my awesome pajama pants under my sock monkey night shirt. Pretty, no? The shirt my mom had gotten me for my Christmas Eve pj’s didn’t fit, and the night shirt was too chilly to wear without pants! Kellen’s family laughed at me. But then, so did I.

So that’s Wednesday through Friday. And I’ve got too much to say about Christmas itself for this post, so I’ll add more later!

 

Making memories

And now, back to the previously-schedule programming of catching up on pre-Christmas posts.

I have been making a conscious effort, ever since I really started to feel pregnant, to make some mommy-and-me memories with Jacey Dae. She’s only going to be an only child this once in her life, and she has no idea, poor baby, of how her life is about to change. Even though she probably won’t remember, when she’s all grown up, that there was a time that she and mommy went to the donut shop for breakfast in their pj’s one time when she was two, I will. I’ll tell her. And I’m hoping that it’ll make her feel really loved in days to come when mommy is always busy with someone new.

So the two of us have gone out for breakfast in our pj’s, and I’ve taken her to one-on-one lunches at Chick-fil-A (WAY easier to do in the summer, when preschool and Ladies Bible Class don’t meet), and we’ve gone on impromptu walks with her baby dolls in a stroller.

(That was on January 5. Apparently, spring has sprung nice and early this year. And, yes, she picked out her own outfit.)

The biggest thing I’ve yet done with just the two of us was my birthday trip to the zoo. I already mentioned this in my birthday post, but here are a few pictures and more details…

The first thing we saw when we got there was a zookeeper feeding some big antelope-like things. Elund? Is that animal? Something like that. Anyway, Jacey was fascinated.

They ate carrots and lettuce and leaves, and it was just hilarious that they ate leaves. And dropped them all over the floor and made a mess, but there was no Patch and Shelly to clean up after them. It’s amazing to me how Jacey’s starting to have real conversations with us!

We got to watch the daddies eat, then the mamas and babies (who were being kept apart for some reason but I can’t remember why), and when they were done she started begging for the giraffes.

So off we went.

We had brought Gerry Giraffe with us, and she showed him the big giraffes. Then, of course, got distracted by the carousel, and the giraffes lost all power over her as she decided she’d much rather go ride the carousel.

We settled down on a quilt in the grass within sight of both the giraffes and the carousel and shared our picnic lunch, and then I let her ride the carousel one time. After that, she insisted on pulling the wagon herself, and what fun that was!

She did not appreciate when I helped her push or pull the wagon over inclines and bridges, but she pulled the wagon around the corner to the children’s zoo all by herself. We looked at the farm animals and she played on the playground there for a good long time, and then I insisted on going through the new African forest exhibit before we went home. Which, okay, wasn’t the best of memories because by this point we’d missed naptime by a long shot, and Jacey was begging to go home every moment that we weren’t actually viewing an animal, but we still made it through the new exhibit before we made our way to the very front of the property and headed home.

Despite all the traffic and the lack of a nap, we had a good time. It’s definitely a memory I’ll keep for a long time, and I plan to do it at least once more before the baby comes. Then, whether or not I can manage a mommy-only trip to the zoo after I have two kids to watch out for… well, we’ll see.

Until then, I have these memories of being a mother to an only child. And they are good.

Yesterday

Yesterday was crazy busy, so I didn’t get around to blogging. But here’s what I wanted to say yesterday:

It was the first day back to preschool after Christmas break. On Wednesday, Jacey slept past 11. 11! So when I went in to wake her up at 8 on Thursday morning, she didn’t move as I flipped on the hall light. I opened her curtains, accidently knocking the lampshade noisily askew. She didn’t move. I fought with the side of her crib to get it down (it was stuck on the bed skirt, I think), and she still didn’t move. I uncovered her and touched her back, and she leapt to her feet. “Mama, shirt!” she said, pointing at my Yellow Brick Road shirt. “School!” And that was how she woke up. She was SO excited to get back to school. She wore big girl panties and didn’t even have an accident until naptime, right before we go home, and even then I think if both teachers had been there they would’ve caught her in time but Ms. Natalie was at the doctor and I think Ms. Wanda was a little overwhelmed.

I enjoyed getting back to school, but it was the craziest day I’ve had yet. I wasn’t really prepared to come back, plus we had two new students in our classroom, and this was my first day in a month that I had to be on my feet and going going going for hours on end, and I’m very pregnant. I was about dead by the end of the day, and then I got to go home and teach flute lessons!

I was 30 weeks pregnant yesterday. 10 weeks to go!

And, finally, the main reason I wanted to blog yesterday: it was Kellen’s and my 4-year anniversary. 4 years of marriage, and, if you didn’t already know, we got married on the 6th anniversary of when he asked me out, so it was also the 10th anniversary of when we got together. Usually, I don’t think about that anniversary. I mean, yes, the 6 years of dating was important and all that, but once you’re married, that’s kind of the only anniversary that matters anymore, right? But somehow, yesterday’s anniversary was doubly important. 4 years married AND 10 years together. 10 years… a decade. Out of my 26 years, that’s a pretty big portion of my life! I’m so blessed to have found my husband so early, and to have all these years to look back on and build on even though it’s still relatively early in our marriage.

Our big anniversary date? Well, with a wife who is 30 weeks pregnant, exhausted from her first day back to teaching preschool PLUS flute lessons, sick with a cold or allergies, and oh yes anemic on top of all that, it was pretty exciting; let me tell you. We had my parents baby-sit while we went to The Olive Garden for dinner, then headed to a movie. When I sneezed four times while waiting for the light to turn green so we could turn into the theater, we decided to skip the movie until I’m feeling better, so we went to the mall and spent a newly-acquired gift card at Books-a-Million. Then we came home and watched tv while I hinted that Kellen should go out and get us some ice cream, and that didn’t work so finally I told him outright he had missed out on the hints, and so he went to Marble Slab and brought home some treats for us. Definitely a thrilling night.

But an anniversary isn’t about the day, it’s about the years leading up to the day. I spent yesterday thinking, “4 years ago right NOW I was…” getting my hair done, freaking out because I wasn’t packed for the honeymoon yet, eating lunch provided by Natalie’s mama and grandma, getting my makeup with my roommate sitting in my lap… And then, of course, getting pictures taken, sitting in the church nursery, standing in the foyer with my daddy right before going down the aisle, giggling through my vows, celebrating in the foyer afterwards completely unaware that the whole bridal party was there with Kellen and me, standing in the accidental receiving line while so many people came up to share their love and congratulations with us. Heading to my parents’ house so I could finish packing for the honeymoon (sorry, honey… I still feel silly that I hadn’t done that earlier than the day before the wedding so we could’ve just left the church and headed to Galveston), getting pulled over by the mean cop (who surely pulled us over just because he saw the painted-up truck and my veil) just because a tail light was out, finally finishing up packing and heading to Galveston, and for the first time as I realized I was headed on vacation with nobody but Kellen I knew I was married.

I have so many memories of that day, so many vivid memories. And I wish I could remember more! The day my daughter was born was an amazing day in my life, one of the most important–but it never would’ve happened without that one special day four years ago when I went from Miss to Mrs., from child to woman at 22 years of age. The day that marked the beginning of independence and growing up, but also the start of the giggliest period of my life, when I laughed all through declaring my commitment to this man, chuckled as I changed my Facebook status to “married,” and giggled uncontrollably as I talked to people on our honeymoon about “my husband.” It was, I think, the most carefree joy I’ve ever felt.

Our marriage has been, really, an easy one. There’s not much I would change about our relationship over the past 4 or even 10 years, and even the rough patches (usually due to my own insecurities!) have been good to go through together, making us grow in our relationship with each other.

Marriage has been just what I expected it would be, and I knew Kellen and I would grow and change after we said “I do.” We have, and I think I can say I am a better person now than I was just over 4 years ago. Having another side to my family, being the woman of my own house and mother in my own family, and, most of all, living every day side-by-side with my husband, this man I admire and love so much, has shown me how to love and how to show that love.

Four years is just the beginning of our lifetime together. And what a good beginning it’s been.

Kellen, I love you. You have lead me through these last four years like nobody else could, and the last ten years as we have discovered what it is to be “Kellen and Lela” instead of just ourselves have been just what I needed to become who I am. I am so looking forward to learning and growing more with you in the next ten years… and even just in the next four.

Christmas-y pics

So here’s the blogging cycle I’m stuck in lately: We do something fun. I think, “I WILL blog about this. But first I need to get the pictures off the camera, go through them, pick out the ones I want to put on the blog, resize them, then write the post and post the pictures. But I WILL do it.” And then I don’t get the pictures off (in my head I blame Kellen for this… I go to all the trouble of cataloguing our lives here; the least he can do is get the pictures off the camera for me! But of course I don’t ask him to do it… so I can’t really complain that he doesn’t do what he doesn’t know I wish he would) and it’s been so long since the fun thing happened that I don’t want to blog about it anymore because it just feels silly to post about Halloween in December, so I figure I’ll skip THESE few fun things but be sure to blog about THAT really big thing so at least I remember a little about this month of my child’s life. And I’m okay with that. Until the pictures finally come off the camera and I go through them, and I just can’t resist sharing the best ones with my current readers and my future self who will look back at this journal someday to remember what life was like ‘way back when. So I think, fine, one picture and a really quick blog post, then on to the BIG thing I can’t not describe in detail. But then, 30 pictures later, I give up and decide to blog about all of the things in detail after all. And I just have several posts in a row about stuff that happened a month ago, then stay silent for the next month while the cycle builds up again.

I have decided, for the duration of my pregnancy and the first few months of the baby’s life, to be okay with this cycle. Because clearly I’m not going to break it. Hopefully, when my life and hormones have returned back to somewhat-normal, I can make myself post more regularly, and closer to the events as they occur.

And, it not, well, I guess I’ll still be glad to see the pictures when I look back in future years, even if they were posted weeks late!

So here is my about-a-month-late post about Christmasy things.

Christmas tree fascination

For the first time ever, Jacey helped us decorate the Christmas tree. It wasn’t a very pretty tree that way… all the breakable ornaments on the top half, and the bottom half full of non-breakables hung four to a branch and backwards, to boot. But it was adorable. Clearly decorated by a child, and a monument to this once-in-a-lifetime first in my daughter’s life.

She LOVED helping. In fact, I picked some not-favorite and/or sturdier breakable ornaments and let her hang them on the bottom half, because I just couldn’t tell her, “no more.” Once she was done decorating, for the rest of the month, she’d go and look at her favorite ornaments, or pull off the ones with pictures of her to show to our guests, or lay under the tree (until Mama finally got around to wrapping some presents and filling up all that space down there!).

She’s definitely the best present I’ve ever had under my tree!

Sometimes, when the lure of the ornaments was too much, we’d have to tell her, “No touching the ornaments! You can look, but don’t touch.” Or they all would have been rearranged on the tree every day, which I guess wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing, except that some would definitely have ended up broken or lost.

One of the low-hung ornaments was a gift from one of my flute students–a pretty little flute. And Jacey Dae, of all children, knows what a flute is. So she would get down there and try to play it. She’d put her mouth on it and hoot for all she was worth, then giggle like mad. And if she wasn’t allowed to touch it… well, she’d have to play it without touching it, then, wouldn’t she?

I guess she assumed that, if it didn’t come off the tree, she wasn’t really touching it! (See the backwards ornament-shaped book sharing space with the rocking horse? The whole bottom of the tree looked like that!)

Not-at-all Christmasy, but happened during December so here’s the picture now

One day, when Jacey ran back to her room and was quiet for far too long, Kellen and I snuck back to check on her. And this is what we found.

My precious little girl, all tucked up in her chair with a blanket, reading her book of Bible stories to herself. It makes me so proud of her, to know that, at two, she’s already learning to love the Lord! For now, it’s just stories and almost-wordless prayers (in fact, to prove she doesn’t quite get it yet, her favorite character on the front of her Bible book is Goliath, and she begs for his story all the time), but it’s the beginning of something really good.

Yellow Brick Road Christmas program

On the last day of preschool before Christmas break, ‘way back on December 9, Jacey Dae was in her first ever program. And it was precious.

I actually didn’t get to watch her much, because I teach the three-year-olds and the twos and threes performed together, so I was busy reminding my kids of the hand motions and coaxing them to sing louder. But every time I glanced down the row of kids at my sweet one, she was just grinning.

Everybody that knew her was shocked. We all thought she’d get up there, see all the strangers’ faces, and fall apart. I assumed she would spend the program in Ms. Natalie’s arms on the floor, or maybe even in Mimi’s, watching her friends up on stage. But, somehow, she was fabulous! She even remembered to do a few of the hand motions, and she loved jingling her bells.

That was the best part for everyone, I think!

After the program, Santa Claus gave each kid a little present and then took pictures with them. Jacey wasn’t too excited about that… until Santa pulled down his white beard and she saw Gramps’ mustache underneath! Then he was just fine. And she somehow seemed to understand that Gramps was just Santa’s helper, and not the real thing, because, afterwards, she would tell us that Santa Claus at the program was Gramps, but if we mentioned Santa bringing presents on Christmas, she never said a word about Gramps in connection with him then.

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So there you go. Three little mini-posts that could have been posted on their own, but I shoved them all together into one mega-post just to get them down. And there’s more to come!